Is it Narcissism or Cultural Control?

s It Narcissism or Cultural Control?

As a first-generation Asian immigrant and psychologist, I often meet children of immigrants who are struggling with their parents. Living between two cultures can feel confusing, especially when it comes to love and control in a family.

From a Western lens, where freedom and equality are core values, Asian parenting can seem more hierarchical or authoritarian. Sometimes it’s even judged as “less loving.” I don’t believe that’s true. Asian parents love their children just as much as Western parents do. The difference is in how that love is expressed. Emotional expression is shaped differently in Asian cultures, often tied to respect, duty, and “saving face.”

But I also know that not all parental behavior is simply cultural. Some dynamics cross the line into harmful or narcissistic control. And just as there are unhealthy parents in Western cultures, there are unhealthy parents in Asian families too.

This mix of love, culture, and control can leave children of immigrants feeling lost:

• Is this just the way my culture shows love and respect?

• Or is something more harmful happening here?

I created this reflection worksheet for clinicians who work with children of immigrants who face this confusion. It’s based on research and lived experience. The goal is to help tease apart what comes from cultural expectations and what may be unhealthy control—without rushing to label or pathologize.

This worksheet is meant to start a conversation, not give a diagnosis.

With care,

Yeji